So how do you motivate someone?

      First we must remove the notion (illusion) that "we" motivate anyone. Each individual motivates themselves, or does not. They will either take action or will not, based on their assessment of the situation and evaluation of their options. We cannot forcibly get anyone to do anything that they themselves do not evaluate, consent to, and take action towards.

     Each individual is always perfectly motivated. This may at first sound like a strange statement; given the fact that we can probably all think of at least one person we know who seems to have little or no motivation. But its TRUE! Here's how it works: If a person is lying on a couch, watching TV and eating potato chips they are just as motivated as the so-called "workaholic." The person lying on the couch perceives doing nothing as leading to pleasure and relaxation, and lack of effort equals ultimate pleasure. The "workaholic" works 12 hour days because he or she believes that the money earned now will allow them to one day lie on the couch and do nothing in luxury later (perhaps for a longer period of time). Or the "workaholic" may feel that hard work equals power, pride, or money, all of which he or she equates to ultimate pleasure. So the person on the couch is seeking pleasure as is the "workaholic," they are just using two different strategies to get to the same goal (pleasure). The proof of this lies in the fact that if you removed the imagined motivator (i.e., money, power, or pride) from the "workaholic," you would probably very soon see them lying on a couch somewhere trying to get back into a state of pleasure. Both are chasing pleasure (as all humans do) but have chosen two different ways to try and accomplish it. This demonstrates that everyone is perfectly motivated and that if we wish to properly motivate them in treatment we need to learn what their motivators are.

      Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) teach us that each person has a different "motivational strategy," and these are based on to sets of values called "moving towards" and "moving away" from strategies. A moving towards strategy means that you most actively seek to move towards pleasure (such a person might be motivated by money, acceptance or other rewards). A moving away from strategy means that you most actively try to avoid things that would mean pain (such as getting fired, hit or yelled at). Both strategies are aimed at maintaining a state of pleasure which is everyone's instinctive goal (hence motivating). There is, of course, typically a blend of both strategies being used, but typically one is dominant. The "workaholic" is using the moving towards strategy predominantly, but also occasionally fantasizes about a day of doing nothing but lying on a couch. The "couch-potato" is enjoying lying around, but also fantasizes about having more money or control over his or her life. In Behavioral Psychology this is often referred to, crudely, as the "carrot and stick" method of behavior modification. Given that each person uses both strategies to greater or lessor degrees, the method of motivation that works best tends to use both the carrot and the stick. Take a parent trying to motivate a child to do something like take a bath. Using a moving towards (carrot) strategy, the parent would offer the child a treat if they took their bath. Another parent, using a moving away (stick) strategy might instead offer the child a punishment if they do not take the bath. The most effective method of motivating the child is to use both; therefore the parent could present the child with the positive scenario of a reward for taking a bath and a negative consequence if they do not. This is know as a "Push-Pull" strategy, the negative consequence is "pushing" them towards doing the behavior and the positive consequence is "pulling" them towards the behavior.

      Each person has differing belief systems, motivators, and strategies for getting their needs met. The quickest way to uncover their strategy is to listen to them speak and watch for clues as to whether they are primarily using a push or pull strategy. This process can also be quickened by the use of questions. Have the person think back to a past accomplishment that they feel great about and ask them how they accomplished it. Then ask them what they were afraid of as they tried to achieve this accomplishment (to find the push strategies) and then explore this with them and note how each fear works conceptually. Move on and ask them what they pictured and what excited them as they moved towards this goal. Also ask them what excited them about this goal and how did they feel when they achieved it (pull strategies), note conceptually the type of pleasure they are motivated towards. Then, to gain additional information and fill in any holes, ask them why it was so important for them to achieve the goal.

      If you don't like this question and answer model you may more subtly pick up their strategies by listening to their patterns in common conversation. For example, if you hear a client speaking with apprehension about being fired when it is unlikely, this person is probably sharing his/her moving away from strategy (fear). Or, if you hear a client sharing a concern as to whether or not he/she will get an important promotion, they are giving you clues that they may have a strong pull strategy (moving towards gain). Look for a common thread to their interpretations of situations to find their primary strategy.

      Once you have their primary strategy, you can begin to use it as your primary motivational strategy in treatment. For example, if you are treating an addict who has a push strategy, bring to his attention all the negative things that could befall him if he doesn't take suggestions and how bad he would feel. If the addict has a pull strategy, talk to him about how taking the suggestions will improve his family situation, job status and overall health and happiness.