Little attention has been paid to the concepts and principles of self-talk in the business literature. This is truly sad in light of the enormous potential of this technique and its wide array of possible applications in the business world. This technology is central to how people think, respond and act.
Self-talk therapy and techniques can be used to treat depression, eating disorders, anxieties, phobias, fears, addictions, somatic disorders, obsessions, avoidance, lack of motivation, low self-esteem and behavioral disorders, to name a few. The self-talk strategies are easy to teach people and can be used throughout their life-time to improve many other areas, beyond the presenting problem. This form of therapy provides relatively quick results and places the person in an active role as they make changes in their lives.
The techniques and strategies of self-talk can be used by anybody. Acceptance of this technique is extremely high because it makes such good common sense, it is self-directed, it is non-intrusive, and provides quick, satisfying, results to the user.
Self-talk therapy and techniques are nearly as old as time, but have yet to proliferate through American culture. Buddha perhaps best summarized self-talk therapy, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” How we feel, and therefore how we react to things is based on our thoughts. Buddha knew this, and 25 hundred years later. Albert Ellis expanded upon this idea and created Rational Emotive Therapy. Self-talk draws on this simple idea to show us how the way we talk to ourselves, our internal dialogue (and some times our external dialogue), plays a large role in how we feel and how we perceive our experiences.
The following are the key sequences of experience/emotion. STIMULUS - SELF-TALK (or Rule) and EMOTION. Make no mistake; all emotions have to follow this sequence. First, there is a stimulus; something happens in our environment that affects us. Then we try to determine just what this stimulus means, we do this through self-talk (internal dialogue) or through a set of predetermined rules we have set up. Rules are simply short cuts to self-talk, so that in reoccurring situations we can respond more quickly with a predetermined answer to what a stimulus means. The content of our self-talk and the final determination of what the stimulus means (or rule), will decide how we feel about the situation.
This is best explained with a concrete example. Two people are waiting at the same traffic light in separate cars. The first person sees the red light and thinks to himself. “This really stinks! Here’s another two minutes taken from my life I’ll never get back! Don’t they know I’m in a hurry?” This person gets very upset and frustrated. He has interpreted the red light to mean pain and so he receives pain. The second person in line also notices the red light and thinks to herself. “This is great! Now I have time to give my boyfriend a kiss and an opportunity to reach into the back seat to grab the map I need safely.” This person enjoys the same break. She has interpreted it as pleasurable and so she receives pleasure. The second person (under the same exact circumstances) has a totally different experience based on the interpretation of the event formulated through her self-talk.
The use of self-talk also looks at the questions we ask ourselves. Your brain will come up with an answer for any question that you ask with sincerity. The brain does not determine if the answer is true or false, it simply provides possible answers based on the question. If you ask yourself “Why am I so stupid?” your mind will quickly obey and generate a multitude of reasons as to why you are stupid. How would that question make you feel? On the other hand, if you ask yourself “What is great about this situation?” No matter how bad things are your mind will begin to generate several possible reasons why things are great. How would that affect your state?
Self-talk therapists understand that when you say something, to yourself or another person, your brain actually listens. This shows the importance of how we use language both internally and externally. This type “self-programming” through language is one of the staples of the Neuro-Linguistic programming therapies (NLP). Negative self-talk is the leading cause of self-sabotage and most depression. The use of self-talk is unique in therapy because it actually gives people significant control over their minds/thoughts where they previously thought they had none (or thought they were a victim to them).
Self-talk is branching out slowly into addictions treatment as evidenced by the “Rational Recovery” movement which is largely based on self-talk and education. Self-talk is especially suited for addictions due to the behavioral difficulties, remorse, anger and resentments that often accompany it. Therapist’s who use self-talk therapy quickly come to realize its enormous potential. Next we see it breaking into the business world, as people come to understand that an awareness of how people think and create their emotions can be used as a selling tool and a tool for better understand employees and customers. The better we understand ourselves and others, the more balanced, understanding and influential we are.
For those interested in learning more about self-talk please read the works of Albert Ellis, any NLP books (there are many) and “Awaken the Giant Within” by Anthony Robbins.
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